shitty day

So effing tired..Wad a rough day! Whew~ jz looking at ma bed. .haizzz...kns

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=( PART II

Hate how these feelings keep glue-ing themselves to me..
Im still confused about how I feel about him..
I can't seem to forget but IM about to...
I don't even understand myself
How am I suppose to understand my other half someday?? @@
Im going absolutely crazy...! =(
What do I have to do to earn YOUR attention?
Or maybe I should just give it up and just let it go?
That's what Im good at..GIVING UP~

On the other hand, Im trying to make myself presentable..
And currently it sucks! I don't even know where to start..
I need to work out my body first but then Im worried sick about my skin..
GEEZ! What a life!
I really envied those who have a simple life with great complexion and body..
They don't have to do much to gain people's attention..
I wanted to feel all that attention...
Currently its a NO!
What should I do??
I wana be HOT !
I wana be CUTE!
I wana be ATTRACTIVE!
lolz xD
I was once told I was sexually appealing..Wonder if its true or not..? @@
Nah! don't care.. >.< ..

=(

Everything started when I added HIM...
That was when I thought it was fate that brought me to HIM...
I can still remember everything like it was just yesterday ..
I can still remember his 1st smile towards me..
The 1st word he spoke to me..
Everything about HIM at that moment was just almost perfect..
That was when we were about to take our SPM examinations which was just around the corner..
We agreed to study together with another 2 of our friends..
We did hang out a lot more than I had expected..
Mostly at his house.. Well of course I had fun..
I can still remember those jokes that we laughed about..

I was happy..

But then I started to like HIM
I didn't expect anything to happen...And so I did not tell anyone about it..
I hid my feelings for HIM.. but then I guess it was obvious enough that I liked HIM..
But it was impossible ..And I thought it will always be impossible..
UNTIL..
He asked me to be his girlfriend.. And that it was just for fun..
Well although I know it was wrong but then I was happy at that exact moment..
I was satisfied when he told me that he liked me..
I don't need anything else..I'm satisfied knowing that he liked me as well
But I was greedy... I accepted HIM.. I was naive to think that it'll lasts...
I was fucking wrong!
6 days later he broke up with me.. I was broken but then I saw it coming..
I couldn't blame HIM..
It was my fault that I got myself hurt...
"I rush out into the streets even though I saw cars coming"
"I was willing to get hit AND I got hit.."
I wanted to know what its liked getting hurt and I finally got it.. =(
I was hurt for 4 times..by HIM..
I was naive! darn stupid!
When you liked someone YOU GO BLIND!
Now I understand the phrase "LOVE IS BLIND"
But then he told me that he is still in love with his ex..
He is unable to forget those times he spent with her..
I can see he still cares a lot about her..
I don't want to see him getting hurt..I don't want him to suffer
I don't want to see him sad.. As I will too..
I'm letting him go ..But I will always watch out for him...
Because deep down in me..I'm still in love with HIM..
I will forget HIM..
Can we still be friends?? I seriously doubt that..
I blame myself for accepting in the 1st place
I was greedy... Everything happens for a reason
And I believe everything that happened leads me somewhere..
I will not deny GOD's existence and HIS assistance ...I'll move on!

And I pray for those who got hurt and whose lives were taken by the horrible disasters in JAPAN..You are not alone.. We are here with love and support..Do not give up hope~